Close to Home
As we get closer to actually packing our bags and moving to another country, we find ourselves getting more and more excited every day. Yes, still scared shitless, but for now excited for the most part...
Initially we thought my husband would have six months and us girls nine months. I wrote about it in my journal and remember comparing it to a pregnancy - the time frame was the same so it made sense.
A lot has changed though and what I've learned so far is that no matter what plan you have in your head or how you think things are gonna go - it doesn't work out that way. My 'pregnancy' was cut short and caused quite a few tears.
We heard we're going earlier and in the blink of an eye my husband only has (probably) a little more than a month left here. Wait, what?!
I / we've gone through quite a few emotional stages. In the beginning it's the fear of the unknown that freaks you out the most. Then you start getting comfortable with the idea, do some research, talk to people who has some sort of experience in this country and boom - you start feeling excited. Just this week my husband talked to one of his old colleagues and heard that four guys from his old shift a couple of years back are also going. This made my heart skip a beat! Knowing he won't be alone and will at least see a few familiar faces is going to make a world of a difference.
Here's a list of what has made me cry the most:
1) The notion of leaving everyone behind in a country who's future is looking very bleak.
2) Selling all our stuff - not that I care about stuff, but as I go through things to sell I remember all the memories we had with that item. It stings. A lot.
3) Thinking of Jayda's little heart and soft temperament having to adapt to such a radical change.
4) Finding out that Leila's only going to school in September 2020!!! (Second child, two years old - it's enough to make anyone cry knowing you'll be with them literally 24/7)
5) Realizing that I'm giving up my business and won't be working for quite a while.
I cried about these things (and more) and got over it. And got excited.
BUT THEN...
Tonight happened. My heart is so sore here where I am sitting I can barely contain it. I had a great day! I dropped the girls off at my sister's house around noon, worked in the afternoon and went back to pick up Leila. Jayda stayed because she's sleeping over. I just got home at around 7pm when my sister phoned. Her husband and almost 9 year old son was just involved in an armed robbery.
They went to the cafe in Evander to buy some juice and as they pulled in gunmen came out and pointed at my brother in law. They pulled him out of the car, took his keys and wallet and threw him into the cafe telling him to lie down on the floor. My nephew - still in the car, screaming for his dad was left in the car while the men raided the store even more. They then threw my nephew into the liquor store right next to the cafe and left shortly after in their own cars.
There wasn't much to think about - I rushed to Evander and what was a 10 minute drive felt like an hour. I couldn't stop thinking about my little nephew and the trauma he had just gone through. When he saw me running towards him he just said "Tannie Zellie" and he started bawling. I sat with them, there were people everywhere, police, security - it was crazy. I took him to sit in the car where it was a little quiet and asked him if he would pray with me. I thanked God for his hand over them and for keeping them safe.
I went to get Jayda and my little niece who is now sound asleep in my living room on a "krismis"bed - oblivious to anything that happened tonight.
My sister was just as shaken up. I helped the girls pack, made sure they ate before we left, I was just THERE. I didn't do much but I was THERE.
All I can think about now is 'I won't be here next time'... This breaks my heart! When you make the decision to go live in another country that's the first thing you think about. Not being here when something major happens. But experiencing it first hand makes it so much harder.
All I can do is thank God that they're okay and didn't get hurt.
xxx
Initially we thought my husband would have six months and us girls nine months. I wrote about it in my journal and remember comparing it to a pregnancy - the time frame was the same so it made sense.
A lot has changed though and what I've learned so far is that no matter what plan you have in your head or how you think things are gonna go - it doesn't work out that way. My 'pregnancy' was cut short and caused quite a few tears.
We heard we're going earlier and in the blink of an eye my husband only has (probably) a little more than a month left here. Wait, what?!
I / we've gone through quite a few emotional stages. In the beginning it's the fear of the unknown that freaks you out the most. Then you start getting comfortable with the idea, do some research, talk to people who has some sort of experience in this country and boom - you start feeling excited. Just this week my husband talked to one of his old colleagues and heard that four guys from his old shift a couple of years back are also going. This made my heart skip a beat! Knowing he won't be alone and will at least see a few familiar faces is going to make a world of a difference.
Here's a list of what has made me cry the most:
1) The notion of leaving everyone behind in a country who's future is looking very bleak.
2) Selling all our stuff - not that I care about stuff, but as I go through things to sell I remember all the memories we had with that item. It stings. A lot.
3) Thinking of Jayda's little heart and soft temperament having to adapt to such a radical change.
4) Finding out that Leila's only going to school in September 2020!!! (Second child, two years old - it's enough to make anyone cry knowing you'll be with them literally 24/7)
5) Realizing that I'm giving up my business and won't be working for quite a while.
I cried about these things (and more) and got over it. And got excited.
BUT THEN...
Tonight happened. My heart is so sore here where I am sitting I can barely contain it. I had a great day! I dropped the girls off at my sister's house around noon, worked in the afternoon and went back to pick up Leila. Jayda stayed because she's sleeping over. I just got home at around 7pm when my sister phoned. Her husband and almost 9 year old son was just involved in an armed robbery.
They went to the cafe in Evander to buy some juice and as they pulled in gunmen came out and pointed at my brother in law. They pulled him out of the car, took his keys and wallet and threw him into the cafe telling him to lie down on the floor. My nephew - still in the car, screaming for his dad was left in the car while the men raided the store even more. They then threw my nephew into the liquor store right next to the cafe and left shortly after in their own cars.
There wasn't much to think about - I rushed to Evander and what was a 10 minute drive felt like an hour. I couldn't stop thinking about my little nephew and the trauma he had just gone through. When he saw me running towards him he just said "Tannie Zellie" and he started bawling. I sat with them, there were people everywhere, police, security - it was crazy. I took him to sit in the car where it was a little quiet and asked him if he would pray with me. I thanked God for his hand over them and for keeping them safe.
I went to get Jayda and my little niece who is now sound asleep in my living room on a "krismis"bed - oblivious to anything that happened tonight.
My sister was just as shaken up. I helped the girls pack, made sure they ate before we left, I was just THERE. I didn't do much but I was THERE.
All I can think about now is 'I won't be here next time'... This breaks my heart! When you make the decision to go live in another country that's the first thing you think about. Not being here when something major happens. But experiencing it first hand makes it so much harder.
All I can do is thank God that they're okay and didn't get hurt.
xxx
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